Dec 5, 2003
Weird Dream

ive been having dreams lately......one was about a guy the i was fallin for and he left for the army.....i had a dream that he came bak and was walkin down the hall at school with a girl i know.....then we ended up at someones house....and i came in and sat on a chair with him and he started talkin bout how close we got and stuff and it was cute.....but that wasnt the weird dream
                   ok theres this guy that lives across the street from me.....i hate him with a passion....but i had a dream that my family went to their house and i went up into his room with him.....i was makin all the moves on him and then some how i had now cloths on and then someone knocked and i had to get dressed and leave.....then i went out with the parents and came bak to his room and tried again.......i dont get it......why would i have a dream of wanting to sleep with some one i disike.....it made no sense
      i just hope it doesnt mean nething like its gonna happen or something b/c my dreams do tend to come true.....its crazy

Posted at 09:47 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 31, 2003
LIFE SUCKS

yea so life sucks once again.....something bad went down tonight qnd i knew it was gonna happen... i was tryin to have fun with my friends and i kept leavin my b/f but i guess he took it the wrong way and i dunno its messed up and now hes pissed at me and i dunno wat to do...i dont like it when ppl wanna be round me 24/7....it bothers me and the fact that he told me he loved me just 2 weeks into this scared me even more.....i mean my ex told me he loved me and i believed him and that got me no where....and now its happening again and i dont like it.... and then the whole rumor thing bothers me.....everythings messed up and i dont believe a word ne one says ....and ppl wonder why i have trust issues...well this is why and i give up so screw everyone!

Posted at 11:33 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 15, 2003
Grandpa

i dunno why i feel this way...but recently ive been thinking about my grandpa who recently passed away on july 4th 2003.....i miss him sooooooooo much...and i wanna go visit his grave...see if going there and just telling him how i feel will rid me of this burden....my grandpa has been in the nursing home for a long time and my mom would go visit him every weekend....and shed ask me to go when i was home and for some reason i said no or i had to go somewhere....but now i realize that i was such a terrible grand daughter to him....who in their right mind would not go visit their grandfather....i feel so bad...and i dont know wat to do...i mean when i was little i used to do so many things with him and wat saddens me is that i dont remember anything....he used to sing silent night to me and my sisters...no matter what time of year it was...and i didint know about that until after the funeral they played it as me my sisters and cousins carried out the casket and my mom said something.....i didnt even know....and all i have are pictures of me with him and i dont remember any of it and i wish i did....i dont know i just feel like a terrible person for not visiting him when i had the chance...and now i have to live with this guilt...this feeling of pain for wat i did...i always talk about how ppl are so cruel to others and look what i did...to my grandfather who i love sooooo much...and of course i loose another loved one when im out having fun with freinds.....last time ..halloween about 3 yrs ago...i was out trick or treating and i found out a week later that a friend of mine comitted suicide that night....always when i have fun something bad happens....i dont get it....i dont know what to do anymore. i feel like a terrible person...i dont know wat to do, maybe if i go to his grave itll help a little but i know nothing will ever get rid of this pain

Posted at 10:30 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 14, 2003
am i dreaming????????

right now life seems like a dream...i dunno wat the hell is goin on....i got my license friday and that doesnt seem possible to me...im goin out with rob and even that doesnt seem real....i dont get it....it was like this one time in band last year when we were playin this song....it was the pretty slow part(lol)...so yea...theres windows in the room and i was kinda gazing in to the clouds....i felt like i was in one of those movies u know where ur sittin thinking bout something....the music in the backround and u feel like ur floating....it was soooooo crazy....thats never happened to me b4 ...i loved it!!!!!!! it hasnt happened again yet ...im sad...but thats ok....itll happen...i tend to zone out a lot! so im good
        yea ne way.,...nothin is really new im just kinda oblivious to everything right now and  i dunno wats goin on....i must figure thios one out...i mean its like im dreaming 24/7...like im dreamin of school but not really goin there, its some crazy stuff....well im off 2 bed now....

Posted at 10:06 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 12, 2003
its ok

things are goin good for now..lets just hope wat i did wont ruin ne thing forever....so far i think i did the right thing...i mean hes nota bad kid, i love hangin out with him and all that crap so wats the big deal?????? i just dont wanna hurt him....again.....but yea...today was fun...now that i have my license...i went to the mall shoppin for pants...didnt get ne...lol surprise surprise...then to joanne fabrics and circuit city...then to a friends house but he wasnt home so i stopped for gas and talked to my neighbor b/c he worked there and then went home....ate dinner(mmmmmm ham) and went to see school of rock such an awesome movie...i heart jack black...so good not havin to be carted round by the parental units...but yea
              mb is hell now.....all of the staff members are fightin and they are takin it out on us! wich sucks my balls (lol) and im sick of it...the other bands in our division competed this sat. got in the 90s and were never gonna get that...unless staff stops fighting...its our band too not just theirs arg...oh well
              yea i dunno theres nothin much else really....gotta wait a few weeks until ashl can drive with me....her moms a lil paranoid right now lol oh well it happens...but yea...this winter shall be some good fun...hopefully ill have a job by then! oh well im out for now!

Posted at 11:30 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 6, 2003
?!?!?!?!?

ok as u have noticed a lot of these are about guys...why do u ask...i dont know....maybe b/c i dont like bein round my family much and i lvoe to be round guys lol i dunno...but yea the kid who was beggin me to go to homecoming with him has moved on!!!!lol to a girl that i dont mind but wats weird is that with 3 other guys ive liked shes dated after me .....i find it odd but watever i dont care...as long as he stops buggin me...which leads me bak to one person yet i dont think itll ever happen so i give up and ashley i love you!!!!!!!! will u marry me??? lol.....i dunno ne more.....im backing out

Posted at 09:44 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 5, 2003
the bus!

yea saturday we went to falconer for marching band...field was mudding and crap so we didnt march...but we were rated superior on music which is the highest u can get...that was good...but the ride home was a lil shaky....we stopped at burger kind for food which i hate so after talking to goss (cuz d was no help at all) my friends mom took me to mcdonalds across the street... mm i love mcdonalds...lol....but yea after we stopped for food we went bak to the buses and left for another hour on our journey home...but on the bus we were talkin and we were tryin to get two of our friends to kiss...and knowing me i open my big mouth and i said id make out with her...lol....long story....and then some 1 said theyd make out with me and i said yes...but then my friend pulled my attention back to her and i think he though that i said ok sarcastically but i would have and i dunno...he just kinda turned around and went bak to wat he was doin...so later on i asked him wat was wrong and he said nothin and turned around...then 10 min. later i asked again and it looked like he was gonna cry....and i dunno i think i hurt him by wat happened then and wat happened friday...b/c hes asked me out a few times and i never really liked him like that and now i think i do but i dunno and id feel bad if i lead him on and then realize i dont like him but i dunno wat to do cuz i have no idea how to figure this out...i mean if i really liked some1 wouldnt u think that i would know???????????
"if you really loved me then whyd you leave me??"
so yea wat to do i have no idea so i think im just gonna give up cuz ive hurt him many times b4 and i dont wanna do it again...b/c i know how it feels to be led on by some 1 and find out it means nothing....and i would feel even worse cuz this time i knew i was actually leading him on...ugh
            *"im just like a clock up on the wall, always moving but never going any where"*

Posted at 09:46 pm by misfit1687
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Oct 1, 2003
uggghh guys!!!

i have another issue once again....this kid keeps askin me to homecoming.. i mean i want to go with him i really do but i jsut dont want to go to the dance...and since i figured no one would ask me i invited a bunch of people over to hang out before we left for states...the carrier dome in syracuse for marching band competition.... but yea...so i told him to just come over to my house but hes determined for some reason to go to homecoming...i dunno....but yea he was beggin me in study hall today...no matter what i tell him he doesnt hear it...i dont wanna be mean and i feel so bad but i really dont wanna go to this dance...i think its overrated and a waste of time...i mean i can listen to shitty music for free and hang out with my friends....i dont need to pay and get all dressed up to do that...so were gonna hang out and have more fun than at a dance!!!!! how exciting i know :)
           but yea...problem number 2....i like kyle i think...lol...and i think i like this other kid but i dunno...and im so used to goin out with guys that are almost a foot taller than me that i never really cared bout height ...until now.... they are both the tiniest bit shorter than me and it kinda bothers me a lil...i think...i reallly dont know....maybe im just over thinking these things...but now i think i like 2 guys and i dunno wat to do... i mean kyle i hang out with in school b/c i see him all the time and stuff...and then this other kid i hang out with in marching band....which this prolly gives it away if ne of my friends read this! but hopefully not! yea so ne way....i just dunno wat to do...cuz soon marching band will be over and then wat?????? oh man i didnt think of that until now...crap! ugh , now wat!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?! im confused i dunno whats wrong with me oh well ill think of something.................i hope

Posted at 10:11 pm by misfit1687
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Sep 26, 2003
my dad

once again i got to drive the racecar...but thats besides the point
          on the way to the track my n my dad got into a surprisingly good conversation....i was tellin him bout my english assignemtn and how i have to write an essay on wat it means when people walk to the tune of a different drummer and how it affects kids and school and our "high school society". and we were talkin bout how people are different and he said that i was unique and he was proud of me for that....hes never said ne thing like that and it was cool we were just talkin bout how when people are so worried about coying others it ruins there chances of being successful in the future b/c they will always depend on others to do things for them. when they finally get inot the real world thye wont have ne clue on wat to do...ugh people suck
      also, once again im thinkin bout gary....im just worried b/c i know by the time hes done with training and stuff this damn war will still be goin on...im afraid that they will send him over there and the consequnces of that i dunno...everytime i think of him, im reminded of the memorial day parade in 2002 aka last year, where they were naming all of the people that have died in the war...i just dont want to go to that parade and if they d  it again hear his name called off....i mean i know wat are the odds of that, but it scares me a lot. its not just with him either... ed left for the army too... i dunno what to do ne more. i worry too much i really do.  i just cant stop thinkin bout it. i always have the negatives goin through my mind never ne thing positive  oh well i cant help it
     i need some one to cheer me up
....ill see you again, goodbye.........

Posted at 10:17 pm by misfit1687
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Sep 25, 2003
why?

something new has come about....theres this guy...that i think i may like...but its weird u know cuz its some i never thought id ever like more than a friend....i dont know wat to do really...i dont even truly know if i like him yet...and i dunno how to find out...i mean i love hangin out with him , its a lot of fun....but ugh...its confusingi really dont know how i feel ne more...its just the same old crap...people r startin to piss me off once again and if they dont stop groping each other im gonna scream!!!!! its disgusting b/c he doesnt do it to just her but to almost everyone and it pisses me off and its really startin to piss everyone else off too....but ne way...bak to this boy! lol i dont know wat the hell to do i think i like him but then again i dont think i do and  i have no way of tellin it sucks! i mean i should just go up to him and kiss him...i know it seems stupid but if i feel somethin there then obviously i like him right??? or maybe not ugh...i dunno im also really sick of people keeping things from me. im always the last to know, with my family and my friends, i dont get it. i mean im always home!! why dont i ever know these things and im always at school ...yet again i nver know ne thing oh well....i dunno ...i need to think!

Posted at 10:01 pm by misfit1687
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